What do you have the hardest time asking for?

When I know what I need and who can help me, I'm actually not shy about it, but there are processes in me that often block the discovery of getting that specific, so get mired in "I don't even know where to start" type problems. For example, there's a little bit of dumb pride involved - part of me wants to claim an independence in all matters that I can never really have. I get the help at some point anyway, but I feel somehow more independent if I don't have to openly ask for it, or if I hold out as long as possible asking for it. (And in the process, generate a greater need for help.)

Part of me wants help that won't help me; for example, I'd like to make my living a different way, and nobody can really tell me what that different way should be or how to get there, but I feel like I want to be rescued or helped somehow. I feel like asking for help, but I don't know who to ask or what to ask for. I know this is an issue for me because I catch myself noticing other people doing it all the time. Help-that-won't-help is usually some form of shortcut toward something I want, and at the end of the day, there aren't any shortcuts in the important things. Any form of shortcut is a form of help that won't help.

Part of me wants help that I simply can't specify. When I was involved with music as a career path, I wanted help. Not music-wise - I was perfectly willing to practice and study and learn and prepare, and I was pretty good at it and felt like I had plenty of direction. But on the business/career side, I wanted help, but if you asked me what help I wanted, I couldn't give you any more specifics than that. There were probably even people around me who could have helped if only I could have asked for something specific. But telling someone busy that you want help without having even a vague idea what kind of help you want isn't going to get you anywhere.

If I say "I want help" to someone without providing some real specifics, I place all the burdon on them, and when I catch myself doing it, it doesn't seem fair. It's not just the act of helping that I've asked for, but I've also passed on the burden of figuring out what help is needed. So, not only do I want more of someone's energy, I'm also less likely to get help of any real value because nobody can describe what I need better than you can, and I've tried to avoid locking in any specifics. For me, that's partly because I play games with myself to avoid pinning down the specifics so I'm absolved of needing to act on them - if I know what I want, I should take steps to move in that direction, and it's easier to no need to take steps, so I find myself seeking out not-knowing-what-I-want as a defense mechanism, and partly because there's a vague, secret feeling that if I leave my request open-ended, then the universe may provide a better answer than I could come up with myself. It's the "help lottery." 

When I see my kid doing the same thing, it seems pretty ineffective. 

"What do you want to eat?" 

"I don't know. Something yummy." 

"OK. Eggs?" 

"No. I don't like eggs." 

"OK. Bread." 

"Nah. Maybe later."

"OK. An orange?"

"Nah. Maybe later."

Eventually, she'll ask for what she originally wanted all along; she was just feeling me out to see if I'd fill in her request better than she could herself, and I never do. 

I have to remember that a reasonable request for help should include the kind of help I actually want. Not only is that more respectful of others (and life and everything), it may actually get me the specific assistance I need for a specific problem.